Sunday, 21 December 2014

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

For a brain, you are very thoughtless. I am very aware that you are busy trying to fix yourself right now but is there any possibility at all that you could do it with any less energy. I first began to note that you were busy when I attempted to sit down with a book many weeks ago now (shortly after the accident in fact) and was unable to finish a single page. Since then, you have refused to let me complete a couple of chapters let alone an entire novel. This is not OK. You may not know this about me brain, although it seems that you should, but I am an avid reader. I cannot recall a time when I did not enjoy reading or when I put down a perfectly good book for the sake of another activity. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that makes the current situation quite frustrating for me. I have found myself watching more pointless YouTube videos and sleeping than I have ever experienced before. I am not grateful for this. As much as the average teenager may love my current situation, I am not your average teenager. I do not like computer games. I do not like sport. I do not own a PlayStation. When I wake up in the morning, I want to spend all day in bed reading. The past three months or so have been the first time so far in my 19 years on this planet when I have been unable to do this…or to even contemplate doing this. Even in a post-cup-of-tea-and-hot-shower state of wide awake…ness, I find myself feeling dopey after a couple of sentences. I rarely finish a page. If it’s not sleepiness that ruins my reading time, then it’s this new weird and incredibly frustrating habit of becoming distracted and beginning to day dream.

For instance, a page of my book may go like this: *I begin to read*:  ‘As he turned to leave the pavement…’ and then this happens *briefly take my eyes of the page and notice the window, and trees, and the outside and ooh look a bird and I wonder where my jumper is, I’m hungry, no lets have some tea, urgh, too lazy to make tea, maybe I should just focus on some reading, oh yeah! That’s what I was doing before I noticed the window and the trees and the…* and then the cycle begins again…do you see my problem? Possibly you do not but now imagine that situation for someone who has a place at university for next September to study ENGLISH LITERATURE for three years! Once again, forgive me if I’m wrong but it would be incredibly difficult to spend three years reading and studying books when I am unable to read a page without wondering what’s happening next Thursday at 4 o’clock or whether there’s any biscuits to have with my tea.

This gap year was not only supposed to be a wonderful break from the stress that I felt pushing down on me over the past four exam-ridden years, but also an amazing opportunity to just spend 365 days reading as much as possible. I’m three months in and no such activity has been completed, not even begun.

So all I can say is, I really hope you get your act together soon and reabsorb the blood or whatever it is you need to do. I’m no biologist and I don’t know the reasons behind how or why this process seems to take so long but I would really appreciate it if you hurried up.

Thank you for reading this and sorry for ranting at you. I hope you forgive me and perhaps we will be able to understand each other soon.

Best wishes,